Condiment Gun

Want. One.

Holy Heck! This big pig was caught in queensland, and they only caught it because their pig hunting dogs were going missing. The pig was apparantley eating the dogs! SHHHHHHHHHIIIT.
Think of the spit you'd need to roast that bad boy!

Employee of the month?

Im still going to give my kids the bash

Sue Bradford needs a fucking beating. I don't care how lesbian she is, how big her mo is, or how shiny her Doc Martins are. Shes a big fat dike. I want to spittle on her.

Oh how things have changed….

School 1960 vs. School 2009

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.

1960 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up mates.

2009 - Police are called, SWAT team arrives and arrests Johnny and Mark. Mobiles with video of fight confiscated as evidence. They are charged with assault and both are suspended even though Johnny started it. Diversionary conferences and parent meetings conducted. Video shown on 6 internet sites.

Scenario: Jeffrey won’t sit still in class, disrupts other students.

1960 - Jeffrey is sent to the principals office and given a good paddling. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.

2009 - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. Counseled to death. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra funding because Jeffrey has a disability. Drops out of school.

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor’s car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.

1960 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.

2009 - Billy’s dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. Psychologist tells Billy’s sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy’s mum has an affair with the psychologist. Psychologist gets a promotion. Hot Damn

Scenario: Mark, a college student, brings cigarettes to school

1960 - Mark shares a smoke with the school principal out on the smoking area.

2009 - Police are called and Mark is expelled from School for drug possession. His car is searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario: Enrique fails high school English.

1960 - Enrique goes to Remedial English, passes and goes to college.

2009 - Enrique’s cause is taken up by local human rights group. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that making English a requirement for graduation is racist. A lawsuit against the public school system and his English teacher are started. English is banned from core curriculum. Enrique is given his Quals anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers, puts them in a model plane paint bottle and blows up an anthill.

1960 - Ants die.

2009 - Security are called and Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. Teams investigate parents, siblings are removed from the home, computers are confiscated, and Johnny’s dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario: Johnny falls during recess and scrapes his knee. His teacher, Mary, finds him crying, and gives him a hug to comfort him.

1960 - Johnny soon feels better and goes back to playing.

2009 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces three years in prison. Johnny undergoes five years of therapy. Becomes gay.

Lameo

Im sorry, i just had to lol at this.

ol

Good levels of Insanity

This is for all my friends that have gone temporarily insane. Apparantley these really do work (according to someone who WAS going insane).

Tips To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

- At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

- Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don’t Disguise Your Voice.

- Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

- Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

- In the Memo Field Of All Your Cheques, Write ‘ For Marijuana’

- Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

- When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling ‘Run For Your Lives! They’re Loose!’

Halloween

I've never actually done halloween, but now i wish i did. I think i love the nipples the most.

Butt Juicer

Um, Not sure who their target market is. Lol how violating. Hot Damn

Bionic Muscle Suit

I saw this on a japanese website (typical), and i wondered what the hell you'd use it for? I'm creeped out that the marketing image of it is for lifting weights. Imagine going to the gym in a Muscle Suit and lifting dumbells with it on ahahahaha. 

Ok, so you want to build up your muscles and allow yourself to lift weights impressively. All you need is a huge suit, air compressor and a regulator strapped across both your shoulders making you look like a Legion Of Doom wrestler. Hulk Hogan eat your heart out

Creepy

Lol, talk about making the most of a bad situation. This dudes an inspiration haha but by god its fucking weird! "I'll bite your legs off!"

genetics

Think of the children. The government will take them and destroy them all!!! Zexy

Donald's a Pedo

Donald really loves kids...

Bank Robbery

Ok, plan was to enter via a "dune rider" - admittedly all i could find was a Platypus Jeep (fail)

I mean, its pretty good, esp for the getaway. And since 20 mill is like 40 stories high once stacked. SO......this was the only option. Moonhoppers with trailers were plan B.

BUT now a......

JL421 BADONKADONK Land Cruiser/Tank is my new plan! Because everyone should own their own personal tank.

Holy Fuck this beast is unbeatable. For the low low low bargain basement price of only $19,999.95 it is practically a steal. 

The Badonkadonk can hold a crew of 5, with an extra 5 on the roof. With a top speed of 40mph, it is "Ideal for invasions". The Badonkadonk is HotDamn.

"As you might imagine, the Donk transforms into party-mode at night. With a designated driver at the helm, the lights and music set the scene as the Donk glides around looking for trouble or fun"

Note: It can easily fit into a carpark...

And is inconspicuous in everyday settings...

Some more funny shit

Why didn't I think about doing this?!?! Fuck

What would jew do?

I WANT these movies!!!!!

Happy Birthday to JEW

Jew-Jitzu

Jew-doe

Literally got this from www.jewishclipart.com (shit you not)

Rofl....

Conclusion-

Jews = Priceless.

Hmm

Madonna's such a hoe.

Such a piece of shit.

She always looks as hideous as we've come to expect. Shes like a homeless-prosty-50 year old loser. And her guns creep me the fuck out.

Nice booties Madgey. Heh heh heh

And this. There's something remarkabley hilarious about this women....

I think anything she wear would look so so funny...Shes like defo the blackest women ive seen thats not topless with national geographical titties.

haha

Project

No doubt in my mind. This could potentially be THE best projectile effort i have EVER seen.... Hahahahahahahahaha.....

And i know my projectiles.

ice + sculptures = awesome

Man i wished it snowed in Suckland. I wish i could put on some mittens, and bob-sled down the hill, fatally injuring anyone and anything that i hit, whilst showing no remorse, laughing manically, and repeating the above actions at LEAST four more times before i get physically stopped by angry passersby slash parents of the children whose limbs i have just amputated.....*sigh*

On a lighter note. Look at all the fun we could have...

Trogdor the Burninator!

You could even get in a snowball fight with obama

Great Success

Obama Laughing mercilessly

LOVE IT. Love how sadistic this child must have been. Bet hitler made sculptures like this.

Lol, I HAVE YOUR SOUL!!! ahaha

Snowmen Massacre

Wowziz i just made a mess in my trousers!

Wowziz, wowziz, wowziz, mexcellent, sexcellent etc etc etc

OH EM GEE!!

My fav french friends are coming to australia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Phoenix are:
Thomas Mars - vocals
Laurent 'Branco' Brancowitz - guitars
Christian Mazzalai - guitars
Deck D’Arcy - bass

TOUR DATES:
Wednesday August 5 - Enmore Theatre, Sydney  $75.........OH EM GEE

They are too cool.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qtRQsCgYmtc

Just incase you are gay and havent seen this

Slaps

Everybody loves a good slap. So entertaining. Especially if you are doing the slapping slash get to watch. When i get drunk, i slap, and its so worth it. Oh the memories... Nothing says Fuck Off better than a slap. I'm going to be so upset when i can't slap my children in the baking isle of Price Cutter without being arrested. Sigh.

Heres some good slaps! High Fives!!

The last slap is awesome. That guy is the funniest wife beater ever.

Bain of my life

Lol, i know i should be studying, but once again, MrVintage has come up with a radical T.

The best thing is, he actually designed slash knitted this cardi himself! Mexcellent!

Oh yes, they did it again. (new shirtevery24 hours, yay)