Everyone loves a good Dike.

For those of you who have seen ads that say - “26/stonebutch seeking nice femme for friendship and romance”, or “young femme looking for older daddy butch” and scratched your head in confusion, here I am to clear things up for you. (Viola).

The butch-femme dynamic is well known among lesbians. The most well known combination is a butch with a femme, although it’s not impossible for a butch to be with another butch, or a femme to be with another femme.

So, "What’s a Butch?" you may ask - 

A Butch is a lesbian that appears to be more masculine - in their clothing, their attitude, hairstyle (lols), etc. 

A Stonebutch is what you could call a “Butch Plus”. Some stonebutches are almost aggressively masculine, and may fall just short of being transgender. Other stonebutches may prefer to pass as men, or live as men, but still be considered a butch.

And now, What’s a Femme? 

A Femme is what society would consider a “typical” woman—a feminine woman in appearance and behavior.

There is defo something to be said about the styles of a dikes hair that really sets them apart from the rest of the female population. A dikein woman might be walking down the street, and notice a seemingly gay hairstyle of a fellow passerby that will send off her Gaydar into high alert.

Maybe they have it like this so having these conspicuously "gay" hairstyles that helped the carpet munchers really seek out their own kind?

 Lesbian Hair 101:

Style 1:

This could be described as a buzz cut, crew cut, or shag. Many women with this style haircut tend to be classified as butch, stonebutch, softbutch, genderqueer or transgendered (Saman is a key crew cut style). They may, at first glance, appear to be male, but alas! they are indeed women. These women are great at fixing things like your car or your bathroom sink but leave something to be desired in the hair department.

Style 2:

Next, we have the more extreme version of a short hairstyle, the shaved head or superbuzz type cut. Many women with this style haircut tend to be angry man-hating lesbians, usually with piercings, tattoos and a mean look in their eye. 

Style 3:

The Ellen Degeneres. The "Ellen's" hair can be described as messy, yet awesome. She emobodies the meaning of "bedhead" and pulls it off with a sophistication. Many have attempted the Ellen haircut; many have failed miserably. The Ellen hairstyle should really just be left up to the devices of El.

Style 4:

Next, we have the illustrious fauxhawk. This is like the lesbian housewife's version of a mohawk; edgy yet sophisticated, more hair and less scare. The fauxhawk has gained increasing popularity in the last few years. If you are one of the many that have attempted this hairstyle, it can result in a fauxhawk disaster or a style of brillance. Make sure you fully trust you stylist before letting her go fauxhawk on your head. It may result in sever debilitation.

Style 5:

Lastly, we have the severely outdated she-mullet style. The mullet was intensely sported in the 70's and 80's and can presently be found in the deep woods of the south where some lesbians prefer to live in flannel, raise their own cattle and keep guns by their bedside. It is characterized by a very short, flobied look on the top of the head, and longish hair usually resting slightly above the shoulders. I would not recommend getting a mullet. Ever. Period.

I am almost 99.99% positive that the mullet hairstyle will not be regaining popularity anytime in the near future. Despite it's hideousness, the She-mullet has provided many hours of ample entertainment; it is a societal rule that if a mullet is spotted in public, it is crucial to snap a photo of it immediately and document that moment in time. 

I promise it will tranport you back to an era of bad hair, cocaine and ridiculous clothing.